I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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