She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
