Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
