remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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