does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
