Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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