I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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