The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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