I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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