Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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