I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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