i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't EVER smell your tampon
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
