The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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