I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
