I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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