I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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