Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
