Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
