I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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