Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
