the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
