I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
