Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
