she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
