last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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