I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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