I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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