The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
