this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
