that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize