Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
