also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
