I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
