I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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