and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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