It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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