I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
