i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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