just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
