He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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