Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
