We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
