pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
