checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
