Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
