I could have mohawked her pubes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
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Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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