Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I wish there were birth control emojis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
