the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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