He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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