can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
