my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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