I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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