Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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