I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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