Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
