my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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