your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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