I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How external is "for external use only"?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
