sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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