Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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