I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
