Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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