The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
