I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
