You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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