I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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