4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
