the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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